30 Lesssons for Living – Karl Pillemer

Summary:
On Marriage
– marry someone like yourself
– friendship is as important as romance
– don’t keep score (ie. compromise and think 50-50)
– talking to one another
– commit to marriage itself, not just to your partner

On Career:
– choose for intrinsic rewards, not for financial ones
– keep looking for a job that makes you happy
– make the most of a bad job
– emotional intelligence trumps every other kind
– everyone needs autonomy (in the job)

On Parenting:
– it’s all about time (with the children)
– it’s normal to have favorites, but never show it
– don’t hit your kids
– avoid a rift at all costs
– take a lifelong view of relationships with kids

On Old Age:
– being old is much better than you think
– act like you’ll need your body for 100 years
– don’t worry about dying (accept that it is nature’s way)
– stay connected (socially, to people and groups)
– plan ahead about where you will live as an old person **very good

On Avoiding Regrets:
– always be honest
– say yes to opportunities
– travel more
– choose a mate with extreme care
– say it now (to people while you and they are still alive)

On Living Like an Old Person (an “expert”):
– time is of the essence (ie, don’t waste it)
– happiness is a choice, not a condition
– time spent worrying is time wasted
– think small (focus on small present things vs big future things)
– have faith (attend a spiritual or religious group)

Some recommended better books:
On Life:
The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy – maybe read Tom Wolfe’s A Man in Full
Optimal Functioning: A Positive Psychology Handbook – cheap edition with collection of recent research, practical
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

On Marriage:
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
By John M. Gottman, Nan Silver: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert

Other books to consider:
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness (Teach Yourself: Philosophy & Religion), Donald Robertson
The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph, Ryan Holiday
On Desire: Why We Want What We Want, William B. Irvine
Meditations, Marcus Aurelius
Discourses and Handbook, Epictetus