thursday 1, returning to munich – working with john and taking cabinet to ruth
got bus to heathrow (just – via getting hand in and waving at the driver so that he had to open the doors again)
then took heathrow express from terminal 1/2/3 to 5, which worked ok

friday 2 – dead day at work, trying to get the basic stuff done but very difficult as no motivation

saturday 3 – doing Sabs bed with her which was fun and we managed ok, then do bookshelf for living room

sunday 4 – went to church, pulled muscle in bottom of back, picking up train ticket!
spent rest of day hobbling around

monday 5 – hard to get up, went to orthopedic specialist who recommended more movement – i had tensed the lower back muscles – the dr recommended more movement and going through with the pain
went then onto Arthemed klinik to prepare for varicose vein operation tomorrow
came home, then we sat down to watch tv together including the simpsons (apple/facebook episode with the lisa and commodore 64)
afterwards sabs came to sit and chat with us about various things, incl. inner voice (started the book, touching the void by joe simpson with eve)

tuesday 6 – turned up about 11 to prepare for the op, speaking with the anaesthetist Mr Walcher about his work with addicts and visits to UK
offered to give him so info on familylab and psychological work
woke up from op around 8 o clock – they had operated on me for about 3 hours

wednesday 7 – wake up around 3am and watch the results of the election come in, Obama gets in easier than expected, it prompts a few comments:
it was a victory for:
inclusion over delusion,
tolerance over ignorance,
empathy over authority,
green over gasoline,
health over wealth
Obama is announced president at around 05:30 and I text Katie about it. Wonderful speech:
(after years of dealing with Bush’s mistakes), “a decade of war is ending”,
(ask not what your country can do for you), “ask what can be done by us”,
(believe in America), “yes we can”:
the US can take us forward to peace and out of the mess we’re in.

they indicate via nachschau investigation that they need to operate again, since this is 1.5 hours, chose to opt for another narkose does, instead of local anaesthetic

in the evening sabs and katie visit, sabs is very inquistive, making cursitory glances

thursday 8 – have breakfast since op is planned for the afternoon
get visit from ward dr and sister who talk mostly to stefan and conni prepares him for discharge, via stockings
stefan leaves just before lunch and katie visits at around 11
no lunch, waiting for op, same anaesthetist, op went ok afaik, went to sleep in bauchlage since the veins to remove were at the back, there was talk of some remedial work on the front, ie another vein to remove

wake up drowsed in the room

friday 9 – went down to verbandszimmer to get inspected by the ward dr, stand up but there is too much blood coming out and they say i need to wait another day
spend a long boring day alone in room now
katie visits around 4pm bringing the familylab dvds which are a bonus since it would be boring without something to watch, read or listen to

saturday 10 – the junior dr konschlaeger does the round for discharging patients and is all ready to let me go until i mention the groin area with the swelling – this is a no go, she consults and decides to do local op
i get a local anasthetic then she presses really hard about 10 times to get the blood and material out – about an eggshell full, i had a blood collection / haemetoma
– this 3 day hospital is turning into a similar experience which katie had for her knee with similar issue of haemetoma and subsequent infection – hopefully the later does not occur
delightful visit by sabs, eve and kats then sabs blows up at eve mentioning the title on a brochure for the klinik saying “gesunde beine, schoene beine”

sunday 11 – still in hospital! must have been some misunderstanding since I thought if all was ok and no swelling i’d be going home today but no luck, it will be checked tomorrow and out if all clear
very slow day, since not allowed off the floor, sister connie brings breakfast to the room and is surprised to see me still here
very lonely – there is only one more person on this floor, now I know how solitary confinement prisoners feel, although I have enough to keep me busy
watched the rest of the familylab dvds then katie came to visit afer church with a tea from mcdonalds
sister martha brings a flask of coffee, bless her
we sit and chat about plenty of things, concluding that sabs is over-responsible for kats feelings and eve is over-responsible generally now with all the homework and extra-curricular activities to do
also talk about our relationship and how we are changing with this new knowledge – before we thought we had made progress here in germany on personal devt over 10yrs but this new knowledge is removing the very foundations ready to be placed back
we were 2 planets, lost in some lonely part of the galaxy until we found one another – we both had similar needs, eg. kats was dominated by parents as the academic one, just as i was
i feel like i’m a skeleton where all the bones are cracked, kats talks about a poem she wrote about soul-searching where the skeleton gets clothed in flesh
we have a lovely time together, then she goes at about 5pm, later tea arrives
relaxing evening in room, then watching another series of a film and thinking about a lot of things in this period of confinement, things are becoming clearer on a lot of hangups i had tossing and turning in the night but getting clearer on what to say to katie to move things forward, still assuming i get out tomorrow!

monday 12 – inspection by ward doctor clears things up – the hematoma is still quite big, she removes some more blood and prescribes another day, it’s looking like wednesday, thursday or friday to be out, who knows
so another day’s room service/house arrest – cannot use stairs – must stay flat as much as possible, walking is ok, sitting and standing are not
spend the day reading and join a telco for half hour
male nurse elmar from s¸d tirol has started and he is very good, assisting with the flecks around groin and tips to avoid cramps when peeing
generally he is very helpful with all the details – gives me something to raise wedding tackle to avoid problems and get more airation down there
rita takes over for the afternoon then christine for the night shift
katie visits in the afternoon and we chat for ages in a reassuring, positive way, find that I’m falling in love with her (again?) only this time much more openly and deeply
read, enjoy the meals being brought, fight against the meat which they keep bringing but generally try and relax, still very tired, deal with a couple of works emails
stay in room and watch tv

tuesday 13 – usual routine, 6.30 to 7: wakeup and injections/tablets; 7-8: breakfast, wash, get up and about; 8 – removal of bandages and prepare for visits; 9 – visit from the ward doctor baeder
at visit she decides that it needs an op, is not going down, the big mound has gone to 2 hillocks either side of the groin cut, so cant eat or drink
meet with joerg, my new roommate from moosach, working at MTU in Allach/Karlsfeld
very tired, just lay around, occasionally walk to loo and along corridor, basic rules are:
– sitting and standing are bad for the veins (also for blood circulation around the groin), if sitting, stretch feet and calf
– lying with feet slightly raised (when raise to bed, go high first and drop down to level to drain ends, then also every now and again, tense feet fwd and back or simply raise leg high and down etc, also making an arch with legs is a good idea for improving circulation)
– walking is ok of course good for the circulation
rest waiting for the op falling in and out of sleep, since so dam tired and have a bit of a headache
get called for op and go down with sister irvana and into op at around 4.30, greeted as ever very professionally with assistant female dr who is accompanying the op
narkose dr is dr linke, it will be full but short narcosis, since otherwise would be very painful
op goes ok, this time remember waking up in wake-up room with couple of others, then being brought in wheelchair to the bed and climbing into bed – just about remember all this,
– from previous ops, had not remembered this part at all, just remember waking up in bed
chat with joerg, he’s enthusaistic to south america and thailand, get some addresses from him
watch the film wanderhure with joerg, is pretty good historical drama

wednesday 14 – usual routine, then we both sit in bed waiting for dr bader, i put on totentanz to listen to having listened a bit to the today programme, also we talk a bit and he explains about National Geographic and their excellent documentaries
he says that only about half adults understand how the earth was formed (ie. from supernova) and still fewer how it comes to have water (ie. via meterorites and volcano triggering atmospheric changes, plus vegetation etc).
we talk more about south america and then the dr arrives – he can go home today, me tomorrow – yippee!!
elmar makes me ready and katie is there to see the damage – it looks a lot better now, cleaning up nicely
have to get more mobile today, maybe makes sense to have leg (but not groin) stitches removed tomorrow
read article on Fara Al Sultan the triathlete at 1.81m with 72kg … good weight figure to aim for!

thursday 15 – eventually let out today, around 2pm and take taxi home

summary of the hospital treatment and progress:
the dates were organised to coincide with a quiet time at work), with the objective of getting my varicose veins sorted out on my left leg.

I was in hospital – from tuesday 6th to thursday 15th november, 10 days
tuesday 6th – full narcosis, removal of veins on front of the leg
thursday 8th – full narcosis, removal of veins on the back of leg plus a little on the shin
saturday 10th – local anasthetic after discovery of hematoma on the groin, massive swelling, confined to house/floor arrest, cant move around so much and getting all meals delivered to room
monday 12th – local anasthetic again to try and get rid of hematoma
tuesday 13th – full narcosis, removal of hematoma, since previous attempts were not successful
wednesday 14th – all clear and freedom to move about more (avoiding stairs though)

All in all the left leg is black and blue as if I’ve been attacked by someone with a blunt Stanley knife!
In checking everything out for discharge on Saturday, there was a complication found with respect to a hematoma/swelling around the groin which they decided to locally drain.
This whole operation started pain-free and got very painful indeed, swap local anasthetic for whiskey and i imagine most ops were done like this 100 years ago!.

To remove the hematoma required another full op, ie. 3 full narcoses altogether.

After leaving hospital on 15th, I have 6 weeks of easy going before all is clear, so looking forward to Christmas and meeting up with everyone.

friday 16 – back to get bandage changed, then full bandages on leg again until monday

sunday 18 – back again to get bandage changed, looks good, swelling going down

monday 19 – back again to clinic to get wounds checked

tuesday 20 – ditto

thursday 22 – free at last, stitches at top of leg/groin come out and given clean bill of health

friday 23 – still off work and just relaxing/sleeping to 10 or 11, then lying mostly flat and answering one or two emails

saturday 24 – sunday 25 – relaxing weekend, go to church and help practice for nativity singing

watching the film “Salmon fishing in the Yemen” together, although the children didn’t really like it

ended up annoying Saby by being insensitive to her

monday 26 – first official day back at work

tried to apologize to Saby for yesterday but she just pushed me away, think she accepted it but this was a bad way of dealing with the situation
feel horrible and angry but cant show that, just search for way forward
chatted with katie about the apology rejection and she said the same thing happened to her in previous instances

tuesday 27 – go for check up at local doctors and have to use iodine to remove some of infection building up but otherwise ok
decide to treat both saby and eve in a much more adult way, just dealing with comments from my perspective and not as in parent/child context
sabs is demanding this in her outbursts to us really, so we’re moving from:
parent/child relationship –> adult/adult relationships which brings more personal responsibility into play

wednesday 28 – discussing with katie who had also independently come to the same viewynd was also looking out much more for herself and not molly-coddling the children anymore, being more adult and harder
but more authentic about it

so, we have it in a changed format:
adult relationships with respect, showing our own personal responsibility and authenticity

it bears its fruit already at supper time when a potentially explosive comment by eve to Sabs (you’re eating as if you came from a pig house), could be quickly made light of and brushed over:
– yes, we got you from a pig house, you were both born in blackburn royal pig farm, where mum worked
– i mentioned that i also looked like that and when saby realised i was not making a go at her but laughing at myself she was able to move on, i could see that this could previously have ended up in a row, tears and storming off
– phew what a relief for a change!

thursday 29 – went to office today, was nice to meet up with valerio and ute, had bit of difficult argument on the phone with a customer about training proposals we were going thru – it really affected me and didnt sleep so well and talked it thru with katie, came to some good conclusions though

friday 30 – working at home, went to harralds restaurant with eve, who had enchiladas filled with rice, i had seelachs – it was a nice meal together, she goes after she finishes but i’m just glad she comes along and enjoys it!

working till 7/7.30 when saby gets back, then we have pizza, wine and listen to radio 4

summary of the hospital treatment and progress